Controlling Anger

When we first got married, my husband had a huge problem when it came to controlling anger. I had not known this before we exchanged vows. Would I have done things differently? I’m not really sure, to be honest. Whenever something went wrong or didn’t quite suit him, he’d explode.

He’d use every single bad word he could think of and get this crazy look in his eyes. His voice would rise and this horrible man took over his body. I would back away from him as quickly as possible but not before feeling some of his emotions explode on me. He’s never beat me up or severely injured me.

There were two times that he yanked and squeeze my arm a bit too hard and left bruises that were quite noticeable. I felt lower than I’d ever felt in my entire life. When I got pregnant, I feared his problem of controlling anger would escalate once the baby was born.

Our daughter was 4 weeks old when his anger got the best of him one night. And there was simply no way that he was capable of controlling his anger. I feared for our safety and called the police. Those officers showing up at our house was the first night that he took a step forward in learning about how controlling anger is incredibly important.

I’ll skip the details but our daughter is now 3 years old. He has not once, since that night, laid a single finger on me. He had reached out to his doctor for some help and ended up taking a few medications that seemed to help calm his personality down quite a bit.

Controlling anger wasn’t something that he learned overnight. He spent a few hours in counseling learning about controlling anger and how to relax. Verbally, he’d still explode every so often. The insults would pour out and I’d have to let them roll off of me as much as possible. It wasn’t easy. Here I am now, very happily married and thankful that he’s been willing to change.

There are many people out there who know what it is like to be with someone who has difficulties in controlling anger. Not everyone is as lucky as I was. A great deal of violence against women is a result of not being skilled in controlling anger. An angry husband, boyfriend or ex might suddenly lose touch with reality and give in to his rage.

My husband still struggles and I have learned to tell when he’s on edge. I try to help him as best as possible. He’s overcome a great deal. My family is better for it. Bruises become more difficult to hide and explain when people start to notice. Sometimes people are beyond help. But, some people can learn about controlling anger and make some amazing steps towards defeating it.